It is right to draw their fur
“I realize that this whole endeavor is ludicrous. You are reading an essay in a folder full of drawings by a forty-year-old man who should be doing other things with his time. I thank you for your kind attention and forgiveness.” Dave Eggers in the explanation essay of his book It is Right to Draw Their Fur Praise everything for this book of animal ”renderings” by Dave...
I love these two dudes
“He was mysterious; he was like a character in one of his stories. He wanted to meet in a deli that I had driven by but never been to in Santa Monica. I went in; he was having chicken noodle soup. I almost felt like it was a date at a certain point, like, ‘Please like me! Can we do this again?’” —Jason Schwartzman, on meeting Bored to Death creator Jonathan Ames So...
Of course I did it. So many of us did. In the 90’s it was tres cool (if you were a part of a certain group of interesting teens that were not wearing name-brand sweatshirts) to sport ridiculous polyester shirts from the 70’s that old men and women had finally decided to rid their closets of. It was fun and kooky and so very anti-establishment (or at least that was what us idiots...
Small and white and stupid
There are many things the above title could refer to, most of them being people who appear in the fine gossip pages of celebrity magazines. My enemy has a wider range of popularity than even Paris Hilton. I speak, of course, of rice. That horrible, starchy, empty-calorie laden grain of ill-repute. It’s a waste. When I eat maki I scrape off the excess and make a large white pile on my...
Art vs. Asshole
Some questions are as painful to ask as they are to answer. Why have these two fine and talented women chosen to work on a project with a self-exiled, child-toucher as the director? I understand the desire to want to be a part of a film adaptation of one of the most interesting plays of the last decade, but the rest of it is a fucking mystery wrapped in a hot tub that’s not a time...
I just want to say
That I don’t give two fucks about the snore-inducing drama between these two brunette idiots made of equal parts boring and pee-sand. Unless the scandal involves Bruce pulling that fishing rod out of Ashton”s ass with Fez from “That 70’s Show” dangling from the end of the hook, I don’t want to hear about it.
Michael K and Dlisted make the world stink less
As usual, Michael K and Dlisted have schooled me in the ways of awesomeness. If not for him and his website of earthly delights I would never have learned about these fantastic looking treats which combine two of my favourite elements in existence: sugar and otters. Since today is the official (fuck off, Gregorian calendar) last day of summer it’s an ideal day to suck on one of these...
Happy b-day LC
I wish I had known you when you were young so you could have been the cause of my first broken heart.
Think about it
There is a fine line between grateful and delusional and sometimes I’m not sure if one is preferable to the other.
So, television has milked much personal misery for our enjoyment. Fat people have been shamed. Addicts have been forced to face their families and addictions so we can feel better about ourselves. Little people struggle. Bottle-blondes have been passengers on buses in the hopes of contracting STIs from a former rock star. People with poor dress sense or their own sense of style have been made to...
Ladies, ladies, ladies
Last night this fine program killed it in so many ways that it’s hard for me to express my love. Everyone did the things I wanted them to do even though those things were not always the easy things, the simple choice, the painless route to some greater sense of self. I don’t like to play in the realm of right or wrong, especially with the fictional characters I cherish. There is...
Gray is grey is gray is grey
Dear French Connection, Why must you create things that are perfect for me, but that are also $198? Why must you give such whimsical names to your garments, like the Dancing Around Dress, which is what I would be doing while I wore it at work? And when you have a dress sale, why is my size not there? Why must I be so average? That is not rhetorical question, French Connection. I expect answers...
Since the narrative of the MTV VMAs has really gone down hill in recent years, I didn’t have to worry about watching the whole thing in sequence. So, I caught the performance of this glorious being. Florence and her red hair and flowiness and non-meat dress wearing made my heart rattle like a spray paint can. And why do we need other divas knocking around when this bitch shows up and kills...
I have been so busy. Like, that kind where even my most treasured activities (watching television and loving up on the internet) seem like long lost lovers I might never get to romp with again. The main problem here, is that as a result of my busy times in Busy Town (like Richard Scarry, but with less Lowly Worm) I have not watched “True Blood” or “Mad Men” and now, even...
On why he has the top button of his jeans undone: It’s more comfortable when I sit. I’m getting old and fat. On acting: Act motherfucker, act… You are creating something that doesn’t exist and you are destroying it as soon as it’s not more needed. On “the chemistry” with co-stars: You didn’t fall in love when you were playing doctor with your...
Shake, shake, shake
Sometimes, even when they seem to belong together, even when in close proximity, even when in the same square of space, slotted together, people can feel lonely and disengaged. Arms ache, hearts feel cumbersome, tears are shed. Dispensing salt and pepper might seem like a joyful career, but there is sadness. Bits that were a part of the whole are lost. Flavor spills out. Someone else might...