Woman wading in water while wearing a gown.

Really? We are still doing this? Is this boring anyone else to the point of wanting to not ever wear a ball gown? I’m getting there. I tells ya.

Are these some highfalutin allusions? To straight depressed Ophelia drowning in her big fancy dress? To straight depressed Virginia Woolf loaded down with rocks as she enters the river to drown herself? To any drownings? Because you know what says stylish and chic? Straight depressed. And drowning. Everybody is talking about it. Shit is the hot new shit.

To be fair, I have to say that as usual Charlize looks beautiful, but she might look even better on dry land in that dress or also in the water in a life-jacket and waders and one of those ugly, floppy fishing hats, because she is that hot.

And yes, I know fashion magazines are all about fantasy, the desire to achieve a level of glamour, to become a character, to parade around in garments that are telling a story. This is encouraging me to run home to get my most expensive ball gown and head to the nearest body of water and stride through that liquid all sultry-like with my hair wet as a newborn. That is the story. Also, this is the December issue. A time of year when most North American ladies are pulling out their couture ballgowns and their pick axes and heading down to the old swimming hole to stage their holiday glamour shoots. It’s all very normal.

So, these magazines are telling a story. And that story is telling me that I might ruin a perfectly amazing dress and also might drown and also that that story is pretty lame. Also, this photograph looks ridiculous. Because she’s wearing a ball gown. In water. And we’ve been here before.Many times. And it’s always been ridiculous.