“Absolutely no regrets.” - Madonna

This cocky anti-regret philosophy angers me. Really? You don’t have any regrets? Your life is a perfect masterpiece? It’s in mint condition? I could sell it on Ebay and pay off my student loans? Why are we not allowed to feel bad about our past? The point of being a living, breathing adult is that you can take responsibility for shit that you’ve done and sometimes that means realizing that maybe you shouldn’t have done some things that probably made some other people not very happy. We have all been thoughtless. Made a decision that caused some shitstorms, however little shit was flung in the winds and sprays of that storm. 

But something keeps people from wanting to think that regret isn’t bad, that it can be useful, that it can exist alongside positive emotions, like empathy and kindness. I get it. We all want to feel good about ourselves, exert how awesome and strong we are, but why can’t we just have little cubby holes for regret in our lives too? Is it our desire to be perfect? How entrenched we are in self-help bullshit culture? That feeling anything but ‘right’ is too difficult, too much bad feelings?

I don’t know and I don’t care. I regret many things. And I’m not ashamed to admit that regret. I will wear a regret badge. I will sell regret pins and t-shirts in the street. I will play with my non-existent band The Regretfuls in legion halls around the country. 

So, c’mon jerks of the world. Get over yourselves. This cocky behaviour is what’s caused environmental problems and the financial crisis. And don’t get any weird ideas. Contemplative regret isn’t a pity party. It’s more of an afternoon tea with light refreshments. Like finger sandwiches and flavourless cookies. 

Note: Even though I stole this image from notsalmon I am probably never going there again. Sorry. Your self-help for people who wouldn’t be caught dead doing self-help is still not for this non-self-helper, so bye. But thanks. And stuff.