This morning I said to myself, “DDB, you are totally like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. You are feeling that feeling of the whole world being against you and you are angry and confused and upset and you just think everything is unfair and you are this close to having to repair your shoe with newsprint, and will probably go steal some guns from gang members and then you will shoot those guns in the street and Robert Duvall will come looking for you with all of his own emotional/societal baggage and then shit is going to get real, you everyman, you.” 

In the past maybe I’ve been Michael Douglas in Romancing the Stone, or One NIght at McCool’s or Fatal Attraction. I know for certain I have never been Michael Douglas in Basic Instinct or Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. Well, almost certain. 

Sure, I want to tell myself I’m like some Michael Douglas character, that I am tragic or hilarious or adventurous or alluring to the point of fatalities, and maybe I am some of those things sometimes, but the thing is, unlike those characters I don’t take any action. Michael Douglas characters are running around getting up to all sorts of shenanigans and causing shit to go down or go awry. I don’t cause trouble or make a big mess.

Sometimes I think I deserve a cookie for not stabbing people in the street or not having an affair or not saying cruel shit that only I know could destroy the people I love even though nobody deserves a cookie for that stuff. That is just normal human stuff that people should do, that in our reward-based society are totally not worth even a cookie. Not even a dry, crusty oatmeal cookie with rasins. Most of us are not causing trouble and making big messes and are behaving in a way that is sometimes difficult, because we want to do other things that are sort of not good, but not as bad as shooting guns in the street. You know? And also, most of us have never encountered Sharon Stone and also we have not dealt with ice picks murders. 

Mostly, I just think about movies a lot and sometimes I pretend to be in those movies and sometimes I even make different, better choices that the characters. Even Michael Douglas characters. I like to live in made up stories. And also sometimes there are just a lot of lady hormones. And also cable tv is always with the Michael Douglas.  

Recap:

• cable tv
• feelings
• delusions of cinematic grandeur
• PMS
• I am probably more like Kirk Douglas in Spartacus